TotD: Gentle Redirection

So this "Thought of the Day" stuff is becoming more like a "Thought of the Week." Isn't it funny how something as simple as committing to writing daily, can seem challenging? The problem is that once I miss a day, I feel like giving up.

'What's the point? I've already missed so many days? Anyone who was reading them will be disappointed and won't read any more. I should just quit.'

But, it's this kind of thinking (this pessimistic stuff... remember I'm starting a club), that makes it so hard to keep trying. Life becomes: accept victory or accept defeat, but don't keep struggling on. Well why not?

It is in our attempts, that we learn!  

So, I thought of what my yoga instructors have said while we are attempting to meditate and keep the mind focused. They say:

"Each time your mind wanders, gently redirect it to the breath."

One of the most important things that I have learned is that punishing yourself-banging your head against the wall- will never help you. The only way to affect a positive change in your self or your routine is to gently redirect:

'What you're doing right now is okay, but it could be more productive to explore this other option, so lets try it for a while and see what we think.'

I know it sounds like psycho-babble, but what I'm getting at is that punishing yourself just makes you more resistant. No one wants to do what makes them feel bad; it's a natural human reaction.

So be gentle with yourself today, and see where it takes you!

TotD: It's Our Humor that Sets Us Apart

Today's thoughts of the day are simply two small jokes that have been circulating in my brain. After all, it is our sense of humor that makes us human. Ever noticed that there's only two letters difference? Today, I was confronted by the many problems that we face every day, and I had to remind myself that sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

"I want to start a Pessimists Club, but it doesn't matter because nobody will want to join anyway."

"I recently read in a local newspaper that a man called the police to ask for a roadside signage change. His request was that a particular deer crossing sign be relocated. The reason? There are far too many deer using it."

TotD: Three Thoughts

Thought of the Day #1:

The parasol needs to come back into style. Regardless of the fact that it blocks you from the sun's harmful rays, just remember it also creates shade! On hot days like these, I would love if I could walk around with a light-weight glorified umbrella and not seem like I'm that chinese woman who doesn't want to tan. Parasols, let's bring them back!

Thought of the Day #2:

It is physically impossible to relax every muscle in your body (and still retain your dignity and life). As my husband aptly pointed out: "relaxing every muscle" would include those in your posterior, some internal organs (such as the heart), and other things like the diaphragm (which is pretty important in the breathing process). It's true, all of these things are muscles and would be pretty hard to stop without dying, but the attempt to "relax every muscle in your body" is not about the ones you can't control, it's about the ones that you don't realize you're controlling. "Relax every muscle in your body" reminds us that it's not just the ones that we're conscious of, in which it is important to release tension.

Thought of the Day #3:

If going over past events in your mind is not constructive, don't do it. Often, I find myself reliving embarrassing situations (sometimes years old) for no apparent reason- other than that they seem to be stuck forever in my mind. I've come to the realization that if I'm not learning or changing anything after I relive these events, then the action is destructive, not constructive. When it comes to my auditions, it's very easy to rip apart what I believe went wrong. The hard part is realizing when I'm "beating a dead horse." Once I've decided how to be more prepared for my next audition, I should stop reliving my humiliation.

I cannot change the past, only the future. 

TotD: A Picture's Worth

Ok, so this is not actually my head-shot... you got me

Sincerely, short and sweet this time:

A picture is worth a thousand words, right? Unless... it's not.

I'm having a problem right now with my professional head-shots. You see, I love them, but when it comes to giving them to prospective casting directors, I tend to only use one specific photo.

This is not because I dislike any of the photos at all! What I feel is that one of them is the most powerful (and thus most capable of getting me a job). Instead of choosing the photo that is closest to the descriptions of potential characters, I give them the same 'powerful' photo every time. 

The real problem: I had dozens of prints made of five different shots! I love them, but if I always use the same one... then the others are worth a single word (not a thousand), and that word is "useless."

Oh no! 

TotD: Curiosity Got Your Tongue?

Today's short thought of the day is simply about communication.

I would label myself as a "story teller," and even if the only interaction you've had with me is reading my last few blogs, I tend to think you'd agree. I enjoy telling stories, theorizing, waxing poetic...

Where I believe that I come up a bit short is not in listening (as I also prize my listening skills- the one area in which I can demonstrate any sort of patience), but rather in the act of 'asking questions.'

I am an open book and, having been asked a question, will tend to launch into stories and tid-bits that help me to explain or relate to others. Often, however, I lament the fact that I come away from a conversation feeling like I know very little about the other person. On top of this, I begin to worry that in my domination of the conversation, I will be perceived as superficial or self-involved.

So today's thought of the day is, very simply:

 Develop your curiosity!  

Even if it's less comfortable to ask new acquaintances questions than it is to talk about ones own experiences, get out of your comfort-zone and let them enjoy relating to you as well! Be curious; you're not prying as long as you're polite.

So there it is; Apanda's Thought of the Day about how to communicate with others- isn't it funny how long the discovery continues: how all our lives we continue to learn how to communicate with others?

And yes... this is my crazy cat who developed his sense of curiosity quite a long time ago...

TotD: Life is Precious

I can't help but make today's post about the horrific event that took place in Colorado last night. The loss of life, those innocent people, the terror and pain inflicted- I can't even begin to express my sorrow for everyone. I am stunned by the idea that there is no place safe from such violence even in such a great nation; it is truly devastating.

Today's thought of the day:  Please be kind to each other; life is too precious.

Life is so very precious,
Please hold your loved ones dear.
Last night has proved beyond a doubt 
That evil's always near.


Please pray for all the people,
Who've lost so much today.
Let's all pray for the injured,
Cuz, on all our minds, they weigh.


Senseless were his actions,
Terror was his aim,
And for this loss of safety,
We have only him to blame.


He's taken all he can from us,
But I'll not give him fame,
He wants to be remembered?
Well, let's all forget his name.


Remember instead the love we share
for victims of such crimes
and hold hands, say prayers together,
in such dark and shocking times.


The light defeats the darkness,
And he'll cause us no more sorrow,
For together we shall stand and see,
The brightness of tomorrow.

Praying for all of the families and friends of lost loved ones today that they may heal and find God's peace.

TotD: Spending Dimes to Save Nickels

Today's thought of the day is about frugality and what it really means. The word "frugal" is commonly used in place of "cheap" or "thrifty," but I think it means a lot more than that. Frugal means being smart with your money: knowing when to spend it and how to save it.

I brought my car into my dealership to have it tuned-up. The courtesy shuttle at my small, local dealership is simply an employee with a company vehicle who picks people up from the dealership and drops them off where the need to go. I was riding with a very nice man, who when I told him where I was going, promptly pointed out that most people would take Yonge St. (a very heavily traveled road), and he was going to take me the "back way." 

Now the reason that the man wanted to avoid Yonge was so that he could avoid potential traffic; having driven down the road myself on the way to the dealership, I told him that today it seemed to be moving just fine. He insisted that his back way was much better.

I live thirty minutes from the dealership if you take the way that any map-generating-site would lead you; this route would include Yonge, and yes, I'm factoring in moderate traffic. The "back way" that the driver took us, took forty-five minutes. I could hardly be angry with him as I really wasn't in a hurry, but I do remember thinking:

To avoid traffic that may or may not have even existed, a man went fifteen minutes out of his way. The fear that he had about traffic was that it would take up time, and yet he wasted time going a different route. Honestly, even at rush hour, I had never experienced a delay in that area longer than five minutes. So maybe he likes the scenic route or wants to drive through neighborhoods instead of through commercial area; this could be entirely true!

My dad always says: "You're spending dimes to save nickels!" 

And I have to stop and think sometimes:

Am I spending more time going "the back way" than I would be just trudging through the traffic? If I have a coupon to save money, but don't actually need the product, am I still saving? If I go a couple of miles out of my way to get gas for 1/2 a cent cheaper, am I spending more money in the gas it takes me to get there?

So, dad, I'll be keeping a close eye on those dimes from now on! 

(And I don't just mean those men in Magic Mike. Although...)

TotD: Wear Sunscreen

You remember that song that came out about ten or twelve years ago where the guy gave advice about what to do after graduation? Well, though I haven't listened to that song in years, I have to say that one of the most important things that he says is: "Wear sunscreen."

Today, I had the privilege of talking to a young gentleman who works on a Caribbean cruise liner in the ship's salon. When I asked him what he specialized in, he said he did most everything that the salon offered. I found this particularly interesting because the man was standing in a local body care store looking for aloe vera for his sunburn.

Looking at the man, you'd say he was the manicured type. His nails were trimmed, his hair was styled, and he worked in the salon doing skin peels and hair treatments, yet his own skin was badly burnt. He works in a spa, and yet he too does not take into account the damage that 'doing nothing' can do.


Now being pasty-white myself, some would say that I really have no place to talk about this, but here's an example for you that I found on Facebook a while ago via The Chicago Museum of Science and Technology.

This is a picture of a trucker who has been driving a truck for 20+ years and has never thought to put on anything to protect his skin. Driving a truck, the sun enters through the driver's side window (his left). Descriptions of this picture have labeled him as the man whose face is two different ages.

I do not want today's thought of the day to seem vain; the actual effects of the sun are not what I'm getting at. What I would rather everyone focus on is the change that can occur without anyone noticing- the harm that something so seemingly harmless can do over time. Without even noticing, we change. So the thought of the day is:

Once you've become the person you'd like to be... Wear Sunscreen. Change is inevitable, but damage is not.

TotD: It's My Mind, It's Now or Never

My yoga instructor recently described Yoga as the pursuit of control over the mind.

A couple of days ago my husband said that it didn't seem that hard to master.





Having a very... well, let's say active...mind, I disagree, but I understand his line of thinking. It is easier than one would believe to change your thoughts. One can simply correct negative thinking by refusing to entertain these thoughts. This is part of the pursuit, but the mastery would be in not having to "correct" anything because these thoughts literally never come to be.

What I think my husband is missing is the emotion part of thought. In my opinion, yoga would entail the pursuit of recognition of the emotional response and adjustment of the thought and reaction before  they come to be. It is not, however, the denial of emotion.

A person might say they are in control if they can react calmly to something monumental or tragic, but if they are simply burying their emotions to do so, this is actually destructive. Denial of an emotional response can lead as far as psychosis.

A master of the art would be able to confront their emotional response as an outside observer and decide how to think and act according to the most productive use of that emotional response. 

Ex: "I am angry. Because I know it will not improve my situation to express this directly to the aggressor, I will calmly express my dislike for the situation and suggest a remedy. This will improve my emotional state and my thoughts will be on the positive solution versus the detriment that the situation has caused, and as a bonus, my aggressor may feel better as well."

If only we could all do this; life would be so much more productive.

Let me strive each day to be able to monitor my mind, my thoughts, my emotions that I may lead an even more productive, happy life.

Totd: "Don't Think That We're Picky"

Today's thought of the comes from the mouth of a girl of about ten. While I was working, entertaining some kids at a birthday party, a girl said to me in regards of what to do next: "Don't think that we're picky!"

The odd part to this is that it was relatively unsolicited. I told her what we would be doing next and then politely asked if that sounded alright. She said "yes!", and then qualified it with, "but, don't thank that we're picky!" To which I didn't know how to respond. I said something to effect of ' I don't believe you're being picky,' but her odd request stayed with me.

Is it wrong to be picky?

I've never considered 'being selective' a bad trait. Though sometimes it's nice to be impulsive or go-with-your-gut, I can't disapprove of a person who wants to take a minute and think about their options. It is actually this concept that denotes a step in maturity; children will often pick the first thing that they are offered instead of waiting to hear all of their options. 

My mother always said, "You've gotta kiss a lot of toads before you find your frog prince." Now, if being picky on a romantic front means that you're going to literally wait until a slimy amphibian becomes a rich, gorgeous member of the royal family... I think you might be an extremist. All things in moderation, after all. Being picky does not, however, give anyone an excuse to be rude. 

As long as your version of "picky" includes good manners and is rooted in a little reality, I say: go for it!

So please, DO think we're picky!

Totd: The Customer Gets Away With Murder

Today's thought of the day is, in my opinion, a common phrase which has today been extrapolated to mean something entirely... absurd.

The common phrase being: "The customer is always right."

You don't have to be a business student or even business associate to have heard this phrase, but for those who are in any way 'in business,' this phrase has come to mean much more.

Nowadays, if you are my customer (in any way), I must do things that I would not normally do if we were merely friends or perhaps even strangers; I must not argue with you. I must admit that I am wrong or failing you, even if I am correct. I must give you all that you want or sometimes more, simply to appease you. I must do anything I can to make you happy so that I may maintain our dreadful relationship.

Take for example a common soap store (I'm not going to name names): The store policy is that if you do not like the product that you've purchased for any reason, you may return or exchange it. At this particular store, one woman brought in a rather large candle that she had obviously burnt. She told a store associate that she would like to exchange it for another scent. The store associate happily told her that she was more than welcome to at no charge of course, and so she did. The next day, the same woman returned to the store to find a different store associate. Again, she said I don't like this scent, may I exchange it for another? Again, a store associate happily told her that she is more than welcome to do so at no charge of course, and so she did. Every day the woman comes in, returns a candle that has been burnt for about one day and picks a new one. She never has to pay for a candle that she exchanges, and yet everyday the store accepts a large burnt candle which they must discard and pays for her to get a new one. The woman does not see anything wrong with this behavior, and because the store is bent on keeping all of it's customers happy, the managers at that store will continue to lose revenue to a woman who bought.... one candle.

 

These customers can get away with murder.

Today, parents of a spoiled child made it very clear to me that when they pay someone money, they expect the world and I should be treated like a servant. (Ironic if you're intimately familiar with what I do.)

So, Seller Beware! 

Think twice before asking: "May I help you?"

TotD: Self-Motivation

I am a people pleaser and enjoy completing tasks and projects, for others, to the best of my ability. I take lots of pride in what I've created and am a perfectionist.

The problem is that when it comes to self-motivation; I often feel like I have very little. I am motivated by what others tell me to do, but I somehow struggle with demanding that I do something for myself. I know what you're thinking, as my yoga instructors have often said, "demanding" is not what you should be doing, but I am sorry to say that gently asking myself to get my butt off the couch, just isn't cutting it.

Becoming an adult, people often tell you: "Now there's no one to hold your hand; you'll have to do these things yourself." While I have trepidation, like any person, about certain 'adult' things like going to the dentist alone, I can't say that it's fear or first-time jitters holding me back. I am... missing a motivator.

For years I've had a parent, a teacher, an instructor, a professor, a doctor, a lawyer, a politician telling me what I should do. If you look at your childhood, if you had helpful parents like mine, you probably led a very structured life, but who motivates me now?

The answer is of course: me. It would be easier to ask someone else to force me to do things, (Ex: "Mom, can you please remind me to write my blog entries and yell at me if I haven't in a while?") but as an adult, my mother, my friend, my husband or any other person I could ask should not have to deal with "being the bad guy."

I should be the bad guy! 

Except... that's not very good motivation.

So here's the thought of the day:

Is Self-Motivation rooted solely in the extreme desire/need to change your current circumstances? 

Does one need to be uncomfortable to be self-motivated?